Arsenal Assessment

May 17, 2005

Dick: The look on your faces is so precious.
George (ooc): You basically just told us the whole sector is a blind spot in the vision of The Computer. What did you expect?
Dick: I didn't say it was unexpected - just precious.
Condi (ooc): Funny, you don't look that much like Gollum. Maybe a little bit in the eyes, but that's mostly the glasses, I think.
John (ooc): So, do the Power Services and Tech Services technicians whip out their lasers and start blasting each other right away, or are you saving that for later?
Dick: Not right away, no. New scene. Everyone have 15 Perversity points.
George (ooc): See? This is what happens when you control both houses of Congress. If we end the filibuster, we could see rations of 30 or 40 Bills.
Condi (ooc): You might want to reassess the value of your mixed metaphor, George...
Dick: How are you folks reacting to this revelation? Counter-clockwise, this time.
Tom: I shrink back into the shadows and suck my thumb, whimpering just below the multicorder's audio recording threshold.
Samuel: I overturn a barrel. "This is the fault of those Frankensteined bots!"
John: "Actually, the killer bots probably saved our lives. The traitors would have had a better angle with that cone rifle if we had stopped at the station. Why do you want to blame the bots for your own incompetence? Aren't you the equipment guy? Weren't you supposed to make sure the bots' programming hadn't been compromised? Is your hatred for bots an attempt to compensate for your failure to understand their workings?"
George: I clap my hands excitedly. "Oh goody! Truth or Treason! I love that game. You can go first, Alberto-R. Truth or Treason?"
Alberto: "George-R, I think you're confusing reality with fun, again."
Donald: I curl up in a fetal position repeatedly and try to make it look like I'm doing weird sit-ups.
Condi: "I detect dangerously low morale." I shake the can of Gelgenine and hose down the whole transbot car good and proper. "Please rephrase your previous statements as expressions of optimism, citizens."
Alberto (in a low, husky, and threatening voice): "If the Commie mutant traitors hope to break our spirits by cutting us off from The Computer, they are about discover that they are sorely mistaken."
Donald: I stand up and ready a new laser barrel in the most suggestively threatening way possible.
George: I step into the view of Tom-R's multicorder and strike a brave pose. "Our mission is to see you and the cargo of this transbot safely to the nucular reactor in the IRQ Sector, and that is what we intend to do."
John: I follow the team leader's, um, lead. "With enough teamwork, I'm sure we can repair the engine and get this transbot moving."
Samuel: "There should be plenty of raw materials. We have the tools and the know-how. Our modified transbot will need to be more efficient than the original, but this is a challenge, not a setback."
Tom: "We don't know for sure that The Computer isn't still watching us. In its wisdom, it might be testing our loyalty and resourcefulness under pressure. If this is a test, I intend to pass it."
Donald: "Let's kick us some Commie mutant ass!"
Condi: I lead the team in a loyalty song about a battle in which the Vulture Warriors fought to the last man.
Tom: Getting all of this on tape, of course.

Dick: When your song is over, Gordan-O takes the leading role. "John-R, you'll take the Power Services technicians to the engine car to see what can be done there. Samuel-R, you and the Tech Services personnel are responsible for locating and repairing the bots, as we will no doubt need them to complete our mission. George-R, you and the rest of your team will stay here with me. I want a full inventory of our resources."
George: "Great idea, Gordan-O, but could I speak to you for a moment in the caboose. I believe it is important that you know about something Samuel-R and I discovered."
Alberto (ooc): Are you luring him off by himself so you can kill him before he hogs any more of your spotlight, George?
George (ooc): What gives you that idea?
Dick: GM conference time, unless everyone intends to share their information with everyone else... Wait. I almost forgot what game we're playing. So, who wants to go first?

GM Conference with John:
Dick: You accompany the surly Power Services technicians to the engine car.
John: I'll let them do most of the work, staying out of the way, as I'm sure they're more comfortable working without my commentary. Anyone who complains that I'm not carrying my weight gets a PHT. What is the consensus?
Dick: The engine is utterly fried. The lasers sliced the leading third - including the power generator and most of the other essential parts - into ribbons.
John: I'm going to carefully record the problems they describe and then return to the humanitarian cargo car to analyze the materials at our disposal. I eventually want to come up with an alternate way of getting the transbot moving again - preferably one that employs controlled explosions in some way, though I'm not too picky, really.
Dick: What's your Vehicle Ops?
John: 14, and I'd be happy to spend Pervs to increase the chances of success.
Dick: How many?
John: Given that this means the success or failure of the mission, five.
Dick: Big spender. Pay and I'll roll.
John: Right.
Dick rolls secretly and ignores the result.
Dick: More on that when you come back to the gaming table. Actually, go to the table now, but you won't actually arrive until I say.

GM Conference with Samuel:
Dick: So, what are you doing on bot reclamation duty?
Samuel: I'll abide bots, for now, but I'm gong to pretend to examine asimov circuits when, in fact, I'm going to program them to shut down whenever someone says the word "frankenstein." Bot Programming is 14.
Dick: Only two bots survived the Frankensteins' purge. The first is a disabled docbot that looks like it has been subjected to a couple grenade blasts. The second is a jackobot that apparently hid under a blanket to keep the Frankensteins from finding it. It appears rather traumatized by the experience.
Samuel (ooc): How does one traumatize a bot, exactly?
Dick: That information is not available at your security clearance, but you suspect that being tortured by an organic would prepare a bot to be brainwashed by another organic who is encouraging it to get its revenge. It would then be eager to assist a Frankenstein that asked it for help, but its inability to override its asimov circuit would probably give it the sort of inferiority complex only found in kicked puppies.
Samuel: Can I at least reprogram those two bots?
Dick: Sure. If you can get close enough to them, of course. The jackobot is terrified of you, and the docbot's speakscreen displays the marquis "Kill! Kill! Kill!" It still has a couple syringes.
Samuel: The other bots are totally unsalvageable? There were like a dozen of them.
Dick: A Bot Processing firm could probably put Humpty Dumpty back together again, but it would take some time and more materials than you have readily available.
Samuel: How about this, then? Let's find a docbot brain and replace the one in the semi-functional docbot that appears to have had its asimov circuitry compromised.
Dick: I'll let you try, but you have to get it to hold still long enough to pry open its brain case and make the switch. None of the technicians is especially keen on the idea.
Samuel: That would be Hardware, right?
Dick: Seems closer to Violence to me.
Samuel: Crap. For my Violence specialty, can I buy Bot Wrasslin' to make it 10?
Dick: Sure.
Samuel: "Okay, citizens. I'll hold its appendages. I need you to open its brain case and remove its bot brain."
Dick: I'll let you roll it.
Samuel: Gee. Thanks.
Samuel rolls - 10.
Dick: It takes you several tries, but you manage to immobilize the docbot long enough for your accomplices to make the switch.
Samuel: Once we've confirmed that this docbot isn't still evil, we'll repair its damaged chassis.
Dick: Okay. Bot Maint?
Samuel: 14.
Dick rolls in secret - 13.
Dick: It's going to take you and the technicians a while to pull that off. Stay here. I'll call for you when I'm done.

GM Conference with George:
Dick: You are out of earshot of everyone else.
Gordan-O: "So, what did you want to tell me?"
George: "The Computer also informed me before the mission began that the caboose's cargo is also not precisely as we were initially told. There are apparently thermonucular weapons, biological weapons, and other weapons of mass destruction in the caboose, not materials needed to repair a nucular reactor."
Gordan-O: "Does anyone else on your team know of this?"
George: "Samuel-R apparently found a way into the nuke vault."
Gordan-O: "Are you sure?"
George: "He claims that's where he found Conrad-R."
Gordan-O: "How did Conrad-R get into the vault?"
George: "I don't know, but I suspect that Samuel-R put him in there. I suspect he killed Alberto-R-GZS-1 while he was investigating the platform at the back of the caboose - using the ladders to get there, of course. I don't feel confident enough to make a formal accusation, though, because I don't have enough evidence, yet. We should keep an eye on him."
Gordan-O: "Agreed. What you say about the contents of the caboose is cause for grave concern in itself. If any traitors in the IRQ Sector find out we have WMDs on this transbot, it will make us the most coveted target in the sector."
George: "We will just have to be sure no one else finds out about it."
Gordan-O: "We should get back to the others before they begin to wonder what we're discussing."
George: "After you."
Gordan-O: "No, after you."
George: "Seems we have a bit of a trust problem."
Gordan-O: "You could say that."
George: "We could probably go at the same time if we turn sideways."
Gordan-O: "Back-to-back?"
George: "You think I'm going to turn my back on you?"
Gordan-O: "Belly-to-belly?"
George: "I don't see that we have a choice."
Dick: And so you exit the area between cargo car and caboose belly-to-belly? If this were any other game, there'd be a lot of jokes about you two. You can come back to the table.

At the Gaming Table:
Dick: You begin the task of examining the equipment at your disposal. There is just the one cone rifle. There are slugthrowers, semiautomatic slugthrowers, lasers, laser rifles, grenades, EMP grenades, flamethrowers, and force swords enough for everyone on the transbot and then some. There are two cone rifles. There is also plenty of ammunition for everything - slugs, AP, dum-dum, HE, HEAT, and flare. There is plenty of kevlar to go around. You also find enough volatile chemicals to loft a sizeable chuck of the sector.
John (ooc): That would explain why they weren't firing the cone rifle at the humanitarian relief cargo car.
Donald (ooc): I dunno. Maybe they have a moral code against destroying HotFun intended for starving INFRAREDs.
John (ooc): Very funny, Donald.
Dick: There are also a couple crates that contain the advertised goods - pretty much anything normally allowed to INFRAREDs.
Condi: Any drugs?
Dick: Yes. A full regimen of RED-clearance drugs - Gelgernine, Sendallathon, Visomorpain, Xanitrick, Pyroxidine, Pyroxidine 2, and Qualine. Use whatever you like, but if someone on your team doesn't spend a point of Perversity for each dose, you run out after using it. Same goes for cone rifle shells and slugthrower clips of each type, as well as flamethrowers. It doesn't matter who takes it, if someone doesn't spend the Perv, you just used the last one. That should create an interesting dynamic.
Condi: Wait. Do you mean everyone has to spend Perversity whenever we don't want something to run out?
Dick: Each item costs 1 Perversity. It doesn't matter who spends it. The person using the item has to decide whether or not to spend Perversity before anyone else has the chance. It moves clockwise, and everyone only gets one chance to spend Perversity. No waiting to see if one of your fellow Troubleshooters buys the reload.
John (ooc): Is anyone worried that we've just been given a huge arsenal?
Donald (ooc): I suspect we'll need it.
Dick: A few minutes into the inventory, George-R and Gordan-O come out of the caboose area staring eye-to-eye at a range of a few centimeters.
Condi (ooc): Aren't they cute when they fall in love?
George (ooc): Good thing this isn't a non-fun game, isn't it? No falling in love allowed.
Dick: So, who's planning to wield the high clearance equipment?
Condi (ooc): Ah, so that's how you intend to play this game...
Dick: That's the name of the game, isn't it?

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge